I believe there is no more influential factor in forging a creative life, for women, than harnessing the power of femininity. In fact, it rankles me whenever I hear femininity dismissed as “absence” or “ornament” (especially when women do it) because I think it represents a fundamental misunderstanding of how to utilize the power of our feminine traits. If we look briefly, for example, at traits such as openness, receptivity, sensuality, and yielding, none of these is synonymous with insufficiency, or lack. None of them represents a void or even a form of helplessness or powerlessness. There is, however, a vulnerability inherent in each, but it is from that vulnerability that I believe the feminine aspects of our personalities derive their strength. Recognizing that may be a challenge sometimes. Putting our feminine energy on display and wielding it with full force is most definitely an art form–a wonderfully intricate and creative practice. As for me, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Here are some thoughts on femininity as an art:

Femininity is nuance, not absence.

Its meaning is always read between the lines. That is not what makes it subordinate to masculinity. That’s what makes it complementary and what makes it duly powerful. Femininity is poetic. Its potency is suggested–hinted at–but never stated. (It doesn’t need to be. If you’re truly in command of it, everyone around you can feel its energy. It’s kind of a show-stopper.) Femininity is an unscripted and overt sensuality. It is grace. In its openness, in its receptivity, it finds not lack, but courage. Femininity is movement. It is a slow and seductive dance between boldness and restraint. The secret is in knowing when to give, how much to give, and when to pull back…if only just a little. It is a fluid kind of sophistication that endlessly refines its own edges. And in itself, it is enough.

A life without nuance–without variation, subtlety, and shades of meaning–would be horrifically boring. It would also be rigid and intellectually stifling in any number of ways. (No offense, guys.) Femininity is fundamental to expression.

It is also fun. And wildly interesting. And colorful. And sexy. (If executed properly, it has the added bonus of bringing the man of your desires straight to his knees, if that’s what you’re looking to do.) Of course, the real power of femininity is born out of self-knowledge. We can’t expect to be possessed of ourselves and to harness the full power of the most complex aspects of our personalities if we have no idea who we are or who we’re capable of becoming.

The art of femininity requires authenticity.

Overt sexiness isn’t enough. I am a firm believer that a woman who holds her capacity for tenderness and vulnerability in as high a regard as her sexuality commands the utmost respect. Why? Because she knows who she is. And she hasn’t thrown any parts of herself away. When a woman is comfortable in her own skin, it literally emanates from her pores. Authenticity may take practice, but it’s worth the effort.

“Make me want…”

I don’t know too many women who would tell a man outright to make her submissive at his whim. Where’s the pleasure in all that brutishness? Don’t make me submissive. Never do that. Do make me want to be submissive. Now, that’s another animal altogether. Make me want to feel every bit a woman. Make me want to be enveloped. Make me want to delight in the process of sinking deeper and deeper into my own openness. Now, that–that takes some serious finesse. Do that and you have absolutely mastered the art of seduction…and the more important art of complementarity.