Now that I no longer desire all, I have it all without desire. – St. John of the Cross

Sometimes, life has a way of ripping the foundations out from under us. Of dealing us a scenario, or series of scenarios, in which our current ways of coping and constructing meaning are inadequate. As a result, we may experience a kind of spiritual crisis, or “dark night of the soul,” a phrase which shouldn’t be thrown around lightly, in my opinion. The dark night of the soul isn’t just sadness or melancholy or a sense of meaninglessness; it is a period of devastation and disorientation. A sense that everything I thought I was, everything I thought I wanted, everything I’ve worked for, my hopes and dreams are suddenly…gone. This can happen after a loss, a failure, a serious setback, or a series of losses and setbacks, as “when it rains, it pours.” And indeed, that is often the way. 

What happens during the dark night of the soul can be described as a spiritual cleansing or ego death. It is a release of those attachments, beliefs, desires, ways of thinking, and matrices of meaning that are preventing us from attaining higher consciousness, or from experiencing God. It is not uncommon these days to hear people talk about the importance of “releasing what no longer serves us.” But very often what we need to release isn’t what we think. If we’re paying attention and we’re willing, life has a way of showing us exactly what’s holding us back and of providing us with the proper tools for letting go.

I am now reminded of the lines written by Joseph Campbell, “The warrior’s approach is to say ‘yes’ to life: ‘yea’ to it all.” That, I think, is the single most important thing we can do: say “yes” to life. Say “yes” to the journey. We can’t force our own awakening. We can’t force God. And we certainly can’t go out looking for a dark night of the soul (should anyone want to); nor can we stop it once it starts. But we can say “yes” to it. “Yes” to everything. These things will find us when we’re ready for them, and not a moment too soon. 

In closing, I’ll leave you with a phrase that came to mind during my meditation this morning: “you are like an empty vessel waiting to be filled.” The darkness can be our friend. It can purge us of that which causes us suffering and restricts our inner freedom. It can also lead us to the place within ourselves where God lives, to the attainment of the form of consciousness that makes God possible.